


Hope ain't Something Given

by Cas_203



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Awesome Harry, Coming Out, Depression, Hiatus Over, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, It's hopefully good, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Other, Pansexual Character, Pansexual! Harry, Sweet Harry, closeting, larry stylinson - Freeform, lgbtq+
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-01 14:17:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12706689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cas_203/pseuds/Cas_203
Summary: It's 2023, three years after four boys-turned-men had brought back what was known as the biggest band in the world; three years since two of them were allowed the basic right to be free with themselves.Harry should've realised not everyone had it as easy as them.Or: Harry see's something in a young girl backstage that he once saw in himself, and he swears he won't let her drown like he almost did.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here ya go, guys- something different, slightly. lemme know what you think, hope you like it!
> 
> I don't own One Directiom or anything affiliated with them.

She's young, the girl, with long black hair and olive skin; fifteen at most. She's got brown eyes that are twinkling with the usual excitement their fans and her friend- Leah- have got when meeting them, but there's also something else- there's anxiety.

She introduces herself as "Avery Page, it's honestly such an honor to meet you. Wow," while her friend is squealing beside her, reaching a hand out, oddly formal, before being pulled in by Liam.

When she's hugged Liam and Niall and moved on to Louis, Harry notices how her fingers move to clutch his jacket a little bit tighter then the rest, and he notices her glance back to the door where the guy (older brother or her friend's older brother, probably) who brought them backstage is smiling patiently where he stands.

He also notices the pink, yellow and blue painted neatly on her nails.

When Avery lets go of Louis and comes to him, Harry takes stock of the tears swimming in her eyes and his heart clenches. He curses the fact that it's 2023 and people still have to hide who they are while leaning down slightly to whisper in her ear, "Hey, I'm pretty sure that Niall's gonna be keeping your friend busy over there," he gestures to where the Irish man is showing Leah his guitar, letting her give it a try, and looks back at Avery, "Can I show you something?"

The girl nods and he straightens back up, letting the others know that he's "Just giving Ave- can I call you Ave?- some special privileges, 'cause obviously I'm her favorite ," and catching the knowing look Louis gives him, the small smile of... Pride? Louis wears as he nods back, not saying anything.

Harry tells Avery to follow him as he walks through the dressing room and into the area where they keep their bags, reaching into the one that's his and pulling out a necklace with three metal feathers, all the color of the girl's nails. Her eyes widen slightly in recognition as he sits down- right there on the carpeted floor, with his legs crossed like an overgrown child- and she does the same.

"I'm assuming you've seen this before, then?" His smile is soft and his voice is teasing, but he's trying his best to invite her in. Avery takes the olive branch.

"Yeah, of course." She pauses, "There aren't- I'd never heard of any pansexual people growing up, at least until you came out alongside Louis in 2020. And, y'know, even then everyone assumed you were gay like him, or- or bisexual, maybe. But then you, like, cleared it up. And that's what kinda made me think it was okay. To, like, be pansexual? That I was a thing? I started to think it was alright because of you two, even though I know my folks would never think the same." As Avery speaks her voice grows more hesitant, but Harry just waits, patiently.

He notices her choice of words: 'would never', not 'didn't ever'. In a way, he's glad- if Avery's parents wouldn't accept her pansexual it's then he knows very well what they could do to her.

"Of course it's okay," Harry's voice isn't defensive, just reassuring- he doesn't think the girl has ever heard this from anyone, so he's trying his best not to fuck up. "Avery, you can't choose who you love. Also, even though it probably doesn't mean much, I want you to know that I am so sorry you're family can't realise that."

Her voice is choked when she speaks, "It's just, it's hard to find hope sometimes, y'know? I always escape in you and your guys' music ,but sometimes I just need a reminder that someone cares. It's a shitty feeling, knowing a lot of people hate you at fourteen."

_Fourteen. She was **fucking** fourteen._

"It is hard to find hope, I know that," And Harry pauses now, oddly emotional, "Which is why I want to give this to you," Harry holds out the necklace lying in his palm, "Louis brought it for me at this pride festival thing a while back, and I basically used it as a big 'screw you!' to all the people who didn't accept me after I came out by wearing it all the time, if you've noticed. Whenever you're ready, I hope you can do the same. Until you're ready, I want you to keep it as I reminder that _I_ do definitely care."

"I- Harry, I can't take this. This is- I know how much this means to you and-" She's cut off quite quickly in her refusal.

"It would mean much more to me to know that it's giving someone hope when they need it- you're not alone, Ave, I promise you." Harry leans forward, slipping it over her head and watching as she stares at it a moment before hesitantly slipping it under her shirt- it hurts too know that this girl will have to endure what he and Louis did from management for five years for probably even longer, and it hurts to know that the people she'll be hiding from is her family, so Harry vows to be her safe place.

"I can't give you my number, at least not so quickly 'cause of management's rules, but I'll give you my email, yeah? If you ever need to talk, you can talk to me. I expect to hear back from you, Miss. Avery," Harry speaks in a mock firm voice as they stand up, Avery standing still for a minute, staring at him. Harry gives her a moment to collect herself, giving her space because understands the shock of feeling like you have someone in your corner, accepting you for probably the first time ever.

"Let's go back so the boys don't think I've murdered you, yeah?" He claps Avery lightly on her shoulder, turns around, and then is suddenly attacked by a fourteen-year-old girl whispering breathless 'thank you's' into his shirt.

"You shouldn't have to thank me for that, love," Harry says back, and thinks maybe someday he could teach this girl that she doesn't deserve to have to fight for who she loves, because he understands what it feels like when you do.

He would make fourteen-year-old Avery Page realise that the ground she walked on bled beautiful flowers and not disapproving glowers if that was his only achievement for the rest of his life.


	2. I Feel a Little Terrified (promise, it'll be fine)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how to properly explain it, but I think I owe you everything inside of me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay in this, folks. Nevertheless, I hope you like it. More is definitely coming, if you so please :)

****From: **Avery_Not_Kitten@gmail.com**

To: **HarryEStyles@gmail.com**

* * *

 

**_Remember me?_ **

March 27 2023 at 02:00 am

* * *

 

_Harry,_

_I can't stop thinking about that night, y'know? The concert- it was the first gig I've ever been to, and it was great- or meeting you. I can't stop it running through my head, because you're you and I'm me and you still cared and you still noticed._

_I don't wanna sound, like, creepy, or as if all I do is stalk you guys on the internet, but can I just say how you were so much more amazing in person? I've always, like, respected you, but now? I can't describe how much more I admire you as a person._

_On another note, I hope the Still Made It album is going well- I know Niall got sick that day Zayn joined you for a couple of performances and he couldn't perform because he'd been working too hard in the studio, so tell him to not worry and get better!_

_I know you guys are doing the Throwback Tour right now (which, as the cool kids say, was a 'sick' idea), but I honestly can't wait for SMI to be released- and the first single hasn't even come out yet! Hope you guys aren't worrying too much on finishing it though, I get there must be a lot of pressure, but we can wait. Do what feels right._

_Also, I said it when I saw you, but thank you. I don't know how to properly explain it, but I think I owe you everything inside of me; you said words I've never heard from anyone in person, and even though I always knew that there was nothing wrong with me, it just made me feel... Validated? I felt good, y'know, because here was one person who wouldn't care whether I liked a boy or girl or a person or a tree bark. It felt good because you got me._

_I had to hide the necklace. I'm sorry, but if anyone finds it then it's gonna be... Not good. I have it safe, though, and I think it's doing it's job (I know I'm not alone, and it keeps reminding me that)._

_Does that ever get better, Harry? The need to have someone or something remind you, does it ever go away? Is there ever a point where I won't need someone or something to reassure me and I'll just be fine on my own?_

_I hope there is._

_Hope you're well, and with love,_

_Avery Page._

 

 

* * *

 

From:  **HarryEStyles@gmail.com**

To: **Avery_Not_Kitten@gmail.com.**

* * *

 

**Re: _Remember me?_**

28 March 2023 at 08:53 pm

* * *

 

_Ave (or should I say Kitten?),_

_You remembered to get back to me! I can't tell you how glad I was when I got off the plane (we just flew over to Japan) to see that you'd e-mailed me- it's not just you who admires someone. You're such a wonderful person, and I did want to genuinely keep in touch._

_And first gig? I'm glad we did it justice! Was that first gig thing deliberate or just a coincidence? I'm pretty sure my first gig was just a matter of convenience- the artist I liked performing close to me at an 'appropriate time' (that's what my mum told me, anyways)._

_Still Made It is coming along wonderfully, thanks. We're just tidying up bits and pieces,, but the first single is gonna be a surprise drop, pretty soon (Shhh, don't tell anyone I told you)._

_Yeah, Niall was sick, but he's right as rain now. I honestly think it was all a ruse to guilt Zayn into performing with us again so that Niall could experiance being back on stage with him, again (yeah, Zayn is gonna do another half of a concert with us. No, you can't tell anyone, shhh)._

_Avery, I'm glad what I said helped a little. It can get very hard, going through this alone- especially if you don't have people who support you... I was lucky, in that sense. Louis and I shouldered each other, and it helped and it didn't mean either of us was weaker than the other._

_What I'm trying to say, is that it's okay to ask for help. It's okay to want to talk things through with someone and it's okay to want someone who you can mention that crush you have on tree bark with. None of these things mean you're giving up, it just means you're taking care of you._

_It's very important you take care of you._

_I also hope that, maybe, you'll trust me enough to know that it's okay to vent to me, too? It's also okay if you don't want to, but the offer is always there, 'cause I want to help you through this._

_About the matter of the necklace, don't you dare apologise for something that is not your fault, Ave. Just do what keeps you safe, and what keeps you protected, and know you're doing the right thing. Yeah, you shouldn't have to hide, but people can be stubborn and stuck in their ways- it's up to you and me and the whole damn world to fix that, alright? But to do that, you need to keep believing in a few things:_

_Keep believing you're okay (you are)._

_Keep believing you're worth it (you are)._

_Keep believing you're strong (you are)._

_Keep believing you'll find more people who will love you for exactly who you are (you will)._

_Lastly, I want to say something, but I want to promise you something first: I will never, ever lie to you. Because I will never lie to you, I'm going to say that I don't know if there's ever a point we stop seeking other people's okay-ness. I'm twenty-nine (yeah, yeah, I can practically hear the 'wow, I'm conversing with an old man!' in your head right now) and there are still days where I look at people's reactions when I talk about a past relationship I was in with an agender person or when I hold Louis's hand. It shouldn't be like that, and it gets to your head sometimes, but it's up to you- up to us- to grab that strength that got us this far and use it as a shield during those moments that people disapprove._

_You're fourteen, right? People swearing and stuff and thinking it's cool? Think of it as a giant, metaphorical middle finger. Even though you don't seem like the type to swear, I think you'll appreciate the sentiment._

_One thing, though, that I'm gonna promise before I send this:_

_It doesn't go away, but it gets better._

_Hope to hear back from you soon, and all the love,_

_H x_

_P.s- what're you doing up so late? It's quite bewildering, to be honest._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, guys, sorry for the delay. For a bit, I just didn't feel comfortable delving into this particular topic again- not 'cause I have anything against it, but because Avery and her thoughts and feelings hit just a little too close to him. I had a bit of a, like, shutdown? It's why I think Harry's words are really important in this:
> 
> It's okay to want to talk to someone- you're gonna go crazy if you don't. I know this because the reason I didn't post is because I got stuck in this loop of 'what if I'M not right?' when I know, logically, I am. I know with someone to talk to could alway help, so anything at all, guys, I'm here. 
> 
> I'm not kidding. I love all of you, regardless of who you are, and I want this to be a safe place. If you EVER need to talk just drop a comment or dm me (yeah, got Twitter recently. Rejoice!).
> 
> I know I didn't post for a while, but now I'm trying to dig myself out of this hole and get back into things now, as you can see from my new one-shot and this update. There is more to this, and more than just back-and-forth emails coming.
> 
> Thanks, loves, and it would be awesome if you dropped a comment or left kudos xx.
> 
> Twitter:@Kasbaker6

**Author's Note:**

> So, guys, what did you think? Please, please let me know- constructive criticism is always welcome.
> 
> I wouldn't mind continuing this a bit, like their emails back and forth or something- lemme know if you guys would like that!
> 
> By the way, pink and yellow and blue are the pansexual pride flag colors! The first fic I posted, I mentioned I was bisexual- I didn't know about pansexuality then but I now realise that this is my correct term! Also, since you guys are always awesome and I can't tell anyone at home or school but I still wanna tell someone, I'm agender as well? Yeah. Uhm. Wow. That makes me feel weird, writing that down. Anyways, if it's alright, I'd prefer they/them being used towards me. Love y'all!
> 
> Also, (and this is basically me just wanting to garner sympathy and nothing to do with the fic), it's like 12am on a school night and I gotta be up in six and a half hours but I can't sleep cause I'm soooo sick, it's like I'm slowly dying and I want fluffy stuff but my mom doesn't care so :( send me good vibes, please!


End file.
